Ribs
by Amanda Boyd
Summary: Post Mockingjay: Katniss comes home after the war, and Peeta follows a month later. Katniss loves Peeta, and Peeta loves Katniss, but are they better off without each other? Find out. This is RIBS.
1. Chapter One: Air

It's been a month. One month since Prim died. One month since I left the capitol. One month since I saw Gale or talked to my mother. One month since I shot Coin. And one month since I saw Peeta. The days go by slowly. Sometimes I feel like I've been sleeping for a whole day when it has only been an hour. It's crazy how much things can change in so little time. It only takes the time for Effie to read one name, to change my life forever. It only took one second for me to blow up the arena. It only took one moment for those bombs to explode, and for Prim to be ripped from my life forever. And it only took the short amount of time of my arrow flying through the air, for Coin to fall dead.

This past month I haven't been human. I can barely move, barely talk, eat, bathe. I can barely find the motivation to keep breathing let alone move on. It's been excruciatingly difficult to live. Just like back when I was eleven and a weak, starving and fatherless young girl. And just like then, it's excruciatingly difficult without Peeta.

Peeta is my air. My dandelion in the spring. He's all that I need to fill my lungs and to keep breathing. But my days have been airless for quite some time. Ever since the Capitol ripped him out from under me. Ever since they did the worst thing they could have possibly done- maybe even worse than killing him-...making him forget he loves me.

But maybe I'm selfish for thinking that. Maybe Peeta is better off without me. Maybe Peeta needs to forget me. Maybe that's what is best for him to recover. maybe I'm not his air, I'm more like the poison he's forced to drink. For all I know Peeta is happy wherever he is and has forgotten all about me. The hijacking will do that over time. There once was a time when I thought that he could get better... Like when we were in the Capitol and I kissed him, or when he stopped me from taking the night lock pill when I shot Coin. Those moments confuse me though. I thought for sure he was getting better... that _we _were getting better. But obviously I thought wrong, or else... Why hasn't he come back? Why is he still in the Capitol? Why has he abandoned me, when I need him the most?

Sae has been bringing me food, forcing me to bathe. I've been getting better at doing these things on my own bit there some days, week a even, when I can barely get out of bed, let alone be normal. What's the use anyway? There's no one here I've got to impress.

I had to cut my hair since it has been burnt in the Capitol. And it hasn't helped by not being tended to properly. It's in a dry, tangled, unsalvageable mess on top of my head. My tears and own filth have matted it so firmly to my head, that there is no other way to fix it, but to cut it off and start new again. It's a little past my chin now, and even then it's been falling out.

My phone rings, Sae takes messages. I don't bother listening to them or even calling back, they're all just Dr. Aurelius threatening to send me back to the Capitol if I don't take part in my therapy. He can't keep lying for me forever. None of the calls are from the person that would matter the most... Peeta. Sae has long since stoped answering the phone calls.

Today is a little different than my daily staring at the wall routine. Once Sae leaves, after she tried to force me to eat some stew for lunch, someone walks in through the front door. I'm sitting on the couch with my back to it, and I don't even bother looking, because I know by the heavy footed, drunken footsteps that it's haymitch, who has long since gave up on and forgotten me. This is the first time I've seen him since I've been back to District 12.

"Well don't you look like hell." My old mentor has the never to say to me.

"What do you want you old drunk?" I spit back.

"Oh! She talks! I haven't heard your cheery voice in ages Sweetheart!"

I don't answer. I just stare blankly at the fireplace.

"Well I came here to tell you some good news. Or bad news... Depending on how you look at it." He says.

"What?" I'm not in the mood. There is not a lot of news that can cheer me up these days.

"The boy is coming back." I turn to see his face, to see if he is lying. I can tell that he is not.

"How do you know? What makes you think that he would come back here after all this time, after all that has happened?" I accuse.

"Well, if you answered your goddamn phone every once in a while maybe you would have known!"

"The only person who calls is Dr. Aurelius, and I don't care if he gets in trouble... I'm not in the mood for a therapy session."

"You should answer. He's been doing you a big favor. He was on your side back in the Capitol when you went all nuts and shot Coin. He bargained with the council for you... And this was the deal. Little to ask that you pick up the phone for a half an hour a day in exchange for your life." He says sarcastically.

I remain quiet.

"Dr. Aurelius has been trying to get ahold of you for the past week. He finally settled on calling me. I am suppose to be looking after you, after all."

"Well you've done a very good job," I say bitterly, "I haven't seen you since they dropped us off."

"That's because you never noticed! Every time I'm over here you're either in bed, or sitting on that damn couch staring at nothing! Don't blame me for your lack of concious reality."

"You were really here all those times?" I asked, my voice softening.

"Well yeah, you scared the hell outta me. I didn't want you doing anything drastic." He says softer.

"Well... thanks... I guess..." I manage to get out.

"No problem sweetheart.. Well anyway... Back to what I was saying... Dr. Aurelius has been trying to get ahold of you to tell you that Peeta is coming home. He didn't want you to be all surprised when he shows up at your doorstep one day."

"Not that he cares about me anymore." I say matter- of- factly.

"What? Of course he does sweetheart... He's been asking about you. The Dr. says you're all he talks about."

"Then why hasn't he come back!?" I accuse.

"Because he's undergoing treatment! God, the whole world doesn't revolve around you." Haymitch accuses back.

I just stare at the fireplace.

"Well, he gets back tomorrow... So just be ready... Clean yourself up or something," haymitch suggestes, "Take a bath, comb your hair, eat a few dozen squirrels." I heartlessly laugh at his attempt of humor.

"Ok you drunk, I'll try. I don't see why it matters though." I point out.

"Whatever. Just do it." Haymitch says, and walks out the way he came in.

Peeta.

Peeta is coming home.

I haven't seen him for a whole month. So much can change in that one month. Beleive me, so much. The hijacking is the living, painful truth. Hopefully the Peeta that is arriving tomorrow is more of the old Peeta than the hijacked Peeta. Even just a little bit, I'd be happy.

I just want the old peeta back. That's all is want.


	2. Chapter Two: Fire

That night I dream of Peeta. Not the Peeta that gave me the bread, not the Peeta that fought to keep me alive in both of our games. But the hijacked, Capitol- created Peeta. Not my boy with the bread. I dreamt that we were in the Capitol again. And when I kissed him, he wound his hands around my neck like in District 13, and I passed out. When I woke up, I was in Snow's mansion, securely strapped to a table. It took me a minute to stop freaking out, but when I did, I looked to my side, and there was Peeta with Snow.

I woke up screaming in a sweaty bed. It was just a nightmare, I tell myself. Not real. Peeta is better now, he's been with Dr. Alureus in the Capitol, recovering. He will never go back to that killer, hijacked Peeta that I'm so terrified of. It still worries me though. What if he can't get better. What if he doesn't want to kill me anymore, doesn't see me as a threat, but doesnt remember his love for me? What if I never get him back?

I'm tired, but I can't fall back asleep, or the nightmares will return. It's early morning judging by the dim light shinning through the window. Usually at this time, I'd be leaving to go hunting. I don't need to hunt now that I continue to receive my Victor's pay, but hunting is what kept me sane durring those months after my first games. I haven't hunted since that day when I almost got stuck out there, and had to climb that tree to get out. Now, the fences still remain, for protection, but they are turned off and have gates now, so anyone can come and go as they please. I wonder if my bow and arrows are still in the hollowed out tree trunk where I left them. I haven't checked. I contemplate going out to the woods to make sure that they are still there, they were my father's afterall, one of the only things that I have left of him. i run it over in my head a few times and decide against it. Greasy Sae will be here in a few hours anyway, and I wouldn't want her to worry.

Instead, I decide to draw myself a bath. As I wait for the warm water to fill the tub, I get undressed and comb through my hair. It's growing back in nicely now that I've trimmed it up, and cut all of the sead ends off. I hop in the tub, and let the water sooth my scars. My scars are my ugly reminder of the war, that will never go away. The reminder of the bombs that killed my sister. I hate them. They make me feel like Snow and Coin still won, because everytime I look in the mirror, I'm reminded of them, of how ugly this war has made me, inside and out.

I get in the tub and the scorching water eases my stress, but not all of it, it will never be truly, forever gone. I try not to think about it, but I just can't, Peeta is coming home today. I don't know what to do. Do I wait for him at the train station? Do I invite him over for dinner? No. It's too soon for all of that. How do I know that he even wants to see me? But then why would he even bother to come home in the first place? To see Haymitch? Because this is where his family once resided in town? Because of of his things and treasures are in his house in the Victor's Village? Certainly not to see me. Definately not that.

I massage soap into my scalp and scrub down my body with a rag. I scrub till my skin is pink and raw, trying to get all of the dead skin off. After I wash all of the soap away, I can't bring myself to drain the tub and get out. The warm water just feels too good on my skin. I sink down further into the tub and lay my head against the back of the porcelain. I clothes my eyes for just a split second...

I'm running. I'm running through trhe streets of the Capitol looking for the people I care about most, Prim, Finnick, Cinna, Rue, Gale, Peeta, and even my father. I know that President Snow has them, and I can't let him hurt them, not again. I can see them at the end of the long Capitol alleyway, with ropes tying them to a wooden pole. But no matter how hard I try to run faster, I can't. I'm running impossibly slow. It seems like forever, but I finally get close enough where i can just stetch out my arm and reach them... then the bombs explode.

I wake up with a jolt and sit up in the bath tub. The water as long since run cold, and I'm freezing. I pull the plug and get out to dry off. That was one of the worst nightmares yet. And all I can think about is their faces when I couldn't save them. The failure, the dissapointment. And it really gets to me. I go into my bedroom and but on a fresh pair of pants and a clean shirt, and walk downstairs to find Sae warming up something on the stovetop.

"Hey girl, I was beginning to think that you were never going to wake up." Sae says jokingly, but I know that it concerns her. Some days I wouldn't get up at all, and she would bring food up to room, just to find it, untouched the next day.

"I actually woke up awhile ago, I was in the bath tub and I guess I fell asleep." I tell her.

"Well, I'm heating up some oatmeal right now, should be ready in a minute." She says, turning her attention back to the stove.

"Thank you." I say, then walk into the sitting room and sit down on the couch infront of the fireplace like usual, like I do everyday for the past two weeks.

When Sae announces that breakfast is ready, I get up and walk to the table and absent mindedly drag my spoon around the thick oates.

"You should stop playing with your food and actually eat something, you look even thinner than you usually do."

I just stare at my bowl and eventually I force myself to take a couple of bites. Once Sae seems satisfied. She packs up the leftovers, puts them away and says that she will be back later for dinner and that I can fend for myself for inbetween. But we both know that that won't happen.

I go back to the couch in the sitting room and star at the empty fireplace, totally forgeting about Peeta coming home today. I start to think about Prim, and when I do, I cry. It must have been a few hours, because Haymitch comes barging in at noon.

"Well, he's back Sweetheart." Haymith tells me with a blank face.

I don't answer.

"Suit yourself, I don't know if you want to see him or not, but you should at least go and welcome him back."

"I'm not in the mood for social endeavours." I tell him honestly. I barely talk to anyone anymore, besides him and Sae.

"Well I don't give a damn, that boy has went through hell to get better for you, and all you do is sit here and mope." Haymitch says angrilly.

"Look who's talking!" I shout, "All you're good for is sitting at home all day, drinking! You're a useless drunk! And it's your fault that he was even hijacked in the first place!" I am beyond angry. How dare he come in here and say that I have no right to mourn, I have every right. I've lost everything.

"Well you don't even try to get better, Katniss! Go out in to the woods, walk around town, answer your phone every once in a godamn while!"

"I can't." I whisper, tears streaming down my face.

"You can," Haymitch says softer, "You just gotta get out there agian. How about you start with Peeta?" He suggests.

"OK."I say.

"OK? Ok, as in you'll go see him, or ok as in you understand?"

"Both."

"Now wipe those tears away, sweetheart. I'm sorry that I yelled at you." Haymitch apologizes.

"It's ok, I'm sorry I called you a useless drunk, and blamed you for Peeta, I know that it wasn't your fault."

"No problem sweetheart." Haymitch then awkwardly pats me on the back and makes his way to the door. "Proimise me. Promise me that you will go over there, and atleast say 'hi'."

"I promise." I halfheartedly agree.

"Good." Haymitch syas, then leaves.

I haven't seen Peeta in so long. I don't know if he's better, or if he still cares about me the same way he used to, but I have to atlest go and find out.

After thinking it over for a half an hour, I get up and make my way out the door for the first time since I've arrived. I'm going to see my boy with the bread.


End file.
